Lessons learned

How sad is it to find my written brain vomits about feelings.... pretty dang sad. lol

So I get to work this morning (Late... as usual -_-) and I get to cleaning up because I have such a large mess of paper here sometimes.......
my desk looks like what the inside of my brain must look like....

ANYWAYYYYY!

So I go digging through all the piles of papers and choose what stays and what meets death by shredder.... and I stumble upon this:

"I miss

• the way you stretch.
• the way you talk in circles and still make sense.
• trying to decipher what goes on in that head of yours, and only getting a headache of my own.
• the angry/grumpy face you make when you're thinking.
• the way you do things by slapping and throwing your arms around so you look super cool (but it's totally unintentional).
• the way your eyes ACTUALLY open when something surprises you.
• your strange explosive laughter.
• your random catch phrases and how no matter how many times you said them I always laughed."

Now, reading that may seem cute... right?

WRONG!!!

That person was, is and forever shall be so undeserving of any emotional expression from me!

It turned my stomach to find this note... but it served it's purpose. I got to see that no matter how much something hurts we can always overcome it... and that was a deep wound. It hurt so bad... there were way too many sleepless nights and skipped meals... so many cigarettes smoked and so many crazy thoughts that I didn't know how to make go away, but here I am... scarred but alive and ready to go on and possibly scrape my heart again lol.

Because that's what we do...
you know... us humans...
we get back up, and try again.


I'm pretty sure I will care about someone as ferociously as I cared for that person... and when I do I'll be sooo happy to share all the ooglie mooglies that live inside of me lol.

And I'll never forget the hurt... but I'll never fear it either...

<3