SEX!!!!!

Now that I have your attention....



I really just want to dump all of these thoughts that live in my head about the current state of our society....

So much anxiety...

Piety;

no longer something virtuous....

Just something used to spew hate.

The amount of hate that I hear and read on a daily basis is overwhelming at the very least because the word used to describe my feelings just doesn't exist.

It hurts.

I hurt...

For the LGBTQIA community...

African Americans...

Latinos...

Muslims or anyone who "looks" like it... 

It has pushed me into a bout of anxiety and depression that I am trying my absolute hardest to overcome but it is Got damn hard....

And....

The world is so consumed with who's right and who's not

Who's got more power and who they can devour...

They are forgetting that the most powerful thing we have is love....

Love...

The thing that will make a mother lift a car to save her baby...

Makes everything you do for anyone or anything else worth it...

What makes us "tick".

I tick

tick

tick 

and maybe that's why this all hurts so much because it feels like my love is on overdrive

like my second hand is going too fast and soon all my gears and shit are just going to explode into a mess of things I don't even know how to put back together...

How do you even fix that?

I don't want to feel the pain of the world... but I do.

I feel like I need to fight for it.....

But...

I lack the words to fight its fight...

But does that mean I'm not fighting my own fight?

Fuck...

Why does it have to be so confusing?

....so.... 

strange.

Honestly, it's not like this hate is news...

It's always been there and there are always those people who feed it...

Like Dominicans who don't think they're black...

and African Americans who don't believe they are racist...

and people of all shapes, sizes and saturated hues who are ignorant enough to agree with everything that is going on...

or similar to me who lack the words to make the difference they want but are so strong in their bliss of ignorance that they further dig this deep hole of hatred and it only gets harder and harder to climb out.

I miss the light...

For a moment (at least in my lifetime so far) I felt like that was all that was surrounding me...

I felt warm...

and happy...

and YES.

Now I feel like I can't even write most days...

Or talk...

 well, at least not about feelings that is...

I feel empty...

Like I'm all cried out or some other 90's R&B terminology referencing the fact that I feel I have nothing left to give....

Days I just want to go home and curl up into the fetal position until it all goes away...

but that never works.

I would have loved to have said something substantial here...

Something to change the worlds mind and make everyone hold hands and "kumbaya" and shit...

but like I said... 

I lack the words.