I lost my job that made me so utterly miserable that I couldn't eat or sleep, and could only obsessively think. Why did I lose it?
I like to say the universe did me a favor, but in reality I lost it because I was being VERY intentionally irresponsible. I had called out on a Friday, came in late (2 hours to be exact) the next Monday and then called out on Tuesday. I told them I had an emergency but didn't go into detail because my emergency was that if I went in to work that day..... I'd probably just burn it down. Soooo when I came in Wednesday morning, on time, just cuz lol I was pulled out of the office after being there for 2 hours (how ironic) and told that they "couldn't give me any more chances, and this was the end of the road". Normally after being fired one should feel sad.... but I was so F**king happy I could dance. It was as if they had lifted 3 tons of weight from my shoulders. The only issue was what I was going to do for money. So I walked back into the office, and said nothing to anyone around me. Packed up 3 years worth of sh*t in about 5 minutes and stuffed it into ONE bag, and left.
No goodbye-s
No see ya later-s
No I'll tell you what happened later-s
Just left.
It was surreal. I had been so miserable there and that moment was just like a bittersweet dream. I knew I didn't want to be there but I never wanted to quit because I hadn't found anything better to seamlessly transition to yet. Now there was no excuse for not looking for my happiness.
I lost someone who I had in my life for so many years that I felt like getting rid of them would be impossible. I considered this person the one who "raised" me, and when I say that term... I mean it loosely because I wasn't actually raised by him... he just kind of changed me. I dated him for 4 and half years and I was so young that I couldn't see where it would end I just knew I was with someone and the thought of being alone was so scary that I just dealt with any and everything that he did. This included mooching, and cheating. We broke up long ago, but for some reason he always remained in my life. I don't even know why. We (in my head) were never going to be together again, but I craved company and therefore, I did exactly what I hated him for..... I mooched and I played with his emotions, and for that I apologized. I met someone who made me happy and I needed to make sure this person knew that I really wanted to give us a chance and so... I told my ex that I couldn't speak to him anymore. He of course didn't take that lightly. He called me all kinds of selfish, and I took all his verbal blows because I really did deserve them. But I know that there is no easy way to "break-up" with anyone... even if you aren't dating them. I was the bad guy... but only after being the good guy for too long and dealing with treatment that I didn't deserve. I'm glad that chapter finally ended... not because I met someone, but because if I didn't do it now... it was only going to continue to be a burden in my heart and soul and I owed it to myself. So whether things work out with this person I'm seeing or not... I'm going to make sure that I never revert to selfish ways and stay true to this happiness in my soul, knowing that I've gotten rid of someone toxic, whether his intentions had changed or not.
Now I'm working at a new place, it's a daycare center. I love KIDS! And working at a daycare offers me the perfect birth control.... KIDS. lol. I don't get paid any better than I did but it is ever so fun. I have to be there super early, but 2-4 year olds are better than coffee at 7am, and every time I hear "Ms. Sherry" my heart melts.
I'm happy. For a long time I couldn't say that and truly mean it.... but I am so happy.
So grateful.
and
SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO selfish.
but only because I deserve to make myself happy before I make anyone else happy... how can you do something for someone else that you don't even know how to do for yourself? You can't.
So I'm promising myself happiness and I know the universe will reward me with everything I deserve.....
Sherry <3
P.S. I may start posting stories from the daycare as they pop up, because kids are hilarious!
