Right?

All those words you said to me…

All those words… you know they meant a lot to me, right?

I mean clearly they meant nothing to you, just a few things you decided to say to get your way… 

Cuz that’s fun… right?

I try to not think of you and I try to tell myself you were a lesson… 

but sometimes I can’t help but want you to hurt.

Hurt like I did….

Hurt like I do…

I want all that shit erased from my mind… but as you know… my memory is my gift and my curse…

When it comes to you… it’s a curse.

You know it’s almost been a year…

A whole fucking year!!!

Why is this still something that weighs me down and emotionally drains me?!

It still causes me anxiety.... it still suppresses my appetite... it still steals my sleep from me... 

It still leaves just a shell of me...

Is it because I never got to tell you how much it hurt?

Is it because you never apologized?

Is it because I realized too late that I had kind of fell for a fucking narcissistic sociopath?!

How could I have been so silly to think that any of it was real?

All those serotonin induced confessions…

Silly things that come out even if you don’t really mean them…

Was it real?

I still can’t tell…

I can remember all those nights so fucking vividly… 

This shit is driving me crazy…

I want to forget you…

But my heart won’t let me…

Because I can still feel the sting on the scars you left that haven’t healed.

And you…. 

you live on… 

because it never really mattered…. Right?